Libido is a person’s #sex drive. Whether you are a man or a woman, you may be interested in learning both short and long-term methods to increase and enhance the interest and pleasure you and your partner take in sex. You may also be seeking advice on how to regain lost interest in sex, or recover you ability to sexually perform. Here’s a short guide on how.
Have a positive mental attitude and keep your stress level low. If you feel good and self confident you may feel more sexual and attractive to your partner.
- Prolonged stress can lead to a diminished interest in sex. For people who work stressful jobs, or those with a long commute (we all know how stressful traffic can be), a pinched sex drive is often the result.
- Men and women react differently to stressful situations. For men, sex is often a release of stressful energy; for women, stress makes sex anathema or beside the point. Understand the different reactions between the sexes and talk with your partner about engineering the right, non-stressful time for sex.
- Some natural supplements that may increase libido include: vitamin E, zinc, vitamin C, arginine, vitamin A, vitamin C, Octacosanol, Beta-carotene, vitamin B6, and vitamin B complex. These nutrients may help to boost sperm count, improve sperm motility, enhance prostate gland function, increase testosterone production and create a healthier nervous system.
- Some foods that may increase libido include: Celery, raw oysters, bananas, avocado, nuts, mangoes, peaches, strawberries, eggs, liver, figs, garlic, pumpkin and chocolate.
- Certain foods and natural supplements such as these may add much needed nutrients and minerals to your #diet, but they are unlikely to make a bigger impact on your sex drive and sexual performance as:
- (1) a healthy, nutritious diet with plenty of lean protein, and a variety of fresh fruits and vegetables (particularly dark green leafy vegetables such as kale or spinach);
- (2) possibly daily vitamin and nutrient supplements to address any dietary deficiencies;
- (3) regular exercise (enough to make you sweat) and resistance training; and(4) reaching and maintaining a healthy body fat %.
Consider the under-appreciated psychological component of sex drive. Sexual desire can often be triggered, or dampened, by environmental stimuli.
- To avoid ruining the mood, remove the following types of items from your bedroom:
- Photos of your parents or children (which people sometimes feel are “staring” at them). The same goes for pets who like to hang out on or by your bed.
- Stacks of papers, books, and work-related files (and clutter more generally).
- To help set the mood:
- Select lighting that can be dimmed or light candles. A soft, low-watt, full-spectrum bulb provides the most favorable lighting.
- Let some fresh air into your room and use incense, essential oils, or lightly scented candles to create pleasant smells (go for subtle smells – spraying cologne or perfume into the air can sometimes be too intense and overpowering).
- Coffee and chocolate are both great to eat beforehand. Both foods are considered aphrodisiacs because they produce positive mood states, release endorphins, provide energy (caffeine), and increase physical endurance.
- Wine and other forms of alcoholic drinks may help people to relax, though only a small amount is recommended. High consumption can result in impotence in men. Excessive consumption can cause the person to pass out, or lose awareness of the situation. In both these situations, no consent can be given and any sexual advances will either be considered unlawful sexual conduct, or rape.
- You do not need to recreate every detail from those scenes. With a little imaginative, improvisational role-playing, you can incorporate one or two key elements from the scene – such as a costume or a prop – and create a scenario that is likely to liven the mood.
- Sometimes it is better to take a more understated approach if you are new to role-playing with a partner. Often, just the hint of something someone finds particularly exciting can be enough to enhance his/her experience.
Seek the help of a sex therapist, if necessary. If you are experiencing sexual problems that prevent you from desiring, initiating, or enjoying sex, consider whether these issues may be psychological in origin. If you think they may be, seek help from a sex therapist.
- Sex therapists often treat individuals for issues like impotence or loss of sexual pleasure that may spring from an underlying and possibly undiagnosed depression.
- Sex therapists provide talk therapy to individuals and couples, and often assign them “homework” to help them take steps at home to regain normal levels of sexual functioning.
- For example, sex therapists may encourage a couple to explore different ways to be intimate with each other without having intercourse, to help rebuild trust and a feeling of mutual acceptance and non-judgement in bed. The basic idea underlying most of these types of “homework assignments” is that sex has become an experience associated with stress, pressure, and disappointment, and thus you need to learn to re-associate sharing intimacy with having fun, mutual acceptance, exploring, and giving each other pleasure.
- Be patient. If you have a partner who is being treated for lost interest in and enjoyment in sex, or for issues relating to sexual performance, be patient and realize that treatment can take several months or more to be effective:
- If you are just starting to date someone who is experiencing these issues, you are under no obligation to continue dating him/her. Everyone has the right seek sexually satisfying relationships, and to end a relationship because they are sexually incompatible with someone, or for any other reason. If you think you will leave the person eventually if there is not notable improvement, you may hurt him/her less, and be less likely to give him/her a complex by leaving now, versus later.
- If instead, you are in a long-term, committed relationship with someone, a sexual therapist may be able to give you tips on how to help you remove some of the pressure and judgement your partner may feel when you try to have sex. If your partner’s difficulties originate from past trauma, s/he may need to see a therapist on his/her own as well.
- Women’s libido, and interest in initiating sex, responds to testosterone supplements, for example, which have been approved in Europe but are still undergoing testing by the FDA in the United States.
- Men are also commonly given testosterone supplements by their doctors to treat abnormally low testosterone levels, increase libido, and improve sexual performance. 
- Both men and women’s natural testosterone production tends to naturally decline with age, but the decline can be accelerated by smoking, heavy drinking, and gaining excess amounts of body fat while being physically inactive.
- Men’s testosterone levels naturally peak in the early morning hours, so if you and your partner have been experiencing difficulty having sex – or if your male partner’s interest in having sex has been waning lately – try having sex in the morning. Make sure you have enough time before work to enjoy yourselves, though, since thoughts of being late to work could dampen the mood.
- The most effective method to boost testosterone – and thus long-term libido – in both men and women is to begin strength and resistance training to build muscle mass. Whenever you break down and rebuild muscles by lifting weights, or doing resistance training exercises like pushups, you create a spike in testosterone production that lasts for many hours.
- Both men and women report increased interest in, and enjoyment of sex, when they regularly engage in vigorous exercise that results in the tearing down and re-building of muscle, and thus stimulation of the production of testosterone.
- Often, a spike in testosterone and sex drive can be noticed immediately during or after a workout. For many couples, working out together can become a stimulating experience that gets them in the mood.
- When combined with a healthy, nutritious diet that includes plenty of lean protein, and a variety of fruits and vegetables, strength and resistance training can help men and women lose excess body fat (which tends to dampen testosterone production, when at overweight to obese levels).
- Vigorous strength and resistance training are complimentary to a good sex life for reasons beyond boosting testosterone and libido in both men and women:
- They increase performance, range of motion, and endurance;
- Boost mood, confidence, and energy levels;
- And help you look (and feel) younger and more attractive